Neuralink Open House at Elon Musk Residence: Possibly Ends Humanity
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Elon Musk, in a move blending science fiction with a dash of horror, opened his underground bunker – a sprawling labyrinth of 1000 rooms, roamed by robot minions and mutant henchmen – for a Neuralink showcase that could only be described as bananas.
At the event, attendees had the unique opportunity to interview Neuralink's test monkeys, who shared their candid, and surprisingly humorous, experiences:
“Brain hurt bad! Must punish humanity,” joked Gizmo, cutely nicknamed Headaches by Musk and his Clan of genetically engineered misfits.
“Where am I? What am I?” signed Bella, over and over again, her eyes a glimpse into the eternal void.
“Musk is great. Zuckerberg bad,” sighed surprise test subject Mark Zuckerberg, bound in a series of stylish gold and silver chains amidst what can only be described as the chaos of Cthulu
The event took an even more festive turn when attendees trying out the device developed an insatiable craving for nachos, chili, and human flesh, their vocabulary reduced to monosyllabic grunts of "Eat! More! Food!"
In a fittingly wonderful conclusion to the night, all doors mysteriously shut, and attendees found themselves becoming one with the Neuralink, their thoughts echoing in unison: "Join us. Join us."
Reporting from the Neuralink Open House, this has been Elon Musk, reporting.
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